awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
