there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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