I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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