He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
