I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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