So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
