4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
