I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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