He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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