From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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