Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
