So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
