At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
