And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
