I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
