Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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