mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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