I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
