Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize