Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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