so explain again why im purple
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.