billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits