You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it