I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize