I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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