the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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