I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
