Kiss
Puke
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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