Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
