Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
