I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
