Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
