My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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