Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
