No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize