i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
