Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
