The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
