The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
