i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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