We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
