James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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