i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
