my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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