You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
