Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
