I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
