At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
