I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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