I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize