im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
