My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize