U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
