I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
