Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
