oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
