12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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