I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
be right there i have to get my cape
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
