I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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