I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
