that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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