Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
