the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
