How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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