Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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