he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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