The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
