"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
