I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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