R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
