hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
