ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
